When the rings fall into places

Just to update ….. I got married to the love of my life…. my soul mate and a friend …all at the same time. Just thinking about it makes me smile from ear to ear and the joyful bliss that runs through my veins. I am truly happy.

I am sorry for not posting anything for more than a year now … its just that all of a sudden …things went in place … i got a job ….a lovely job which i am not complaining …. at last … i feel a purpose in life …. i have money to spend on my loved ones …..at least …at least … i am not a bum anymore.

The job was taxing me and also to my relationship … Priority changed …. and someone isn’t happy …… my personality changes too …. and someone isn’t happy …. wish i could explain …… that all this while … she is the one that is always in my priorities ….. getting this job in the first place is also part of the reason that includes her … so i can spend on her …to give her the hope that i will someday succeed in giving her whatever she wants ……..but it will never be enough …. within 6 months …i was promoted…. ….So here i am , doing some overtime in the office and i am blogging …..

Moving forward, we moved to a new house and i ….. well i was just living there… i cannot explain it …maybe its because i have been living with her alone for so long that extra company will make me very uncomfortable …. i now live with 2 other people which automatically came to my life …. coping with the politics and unruly of housemates is not my kind of cuppa tea …… i became mad and angry and also depressed …all together …just cannot cope and my patience just got shorter …… i made a mistake by dumping it on my other half ….. and what a unrightful thing to do …. that i became uninterested in anything that happens in my life anymore …. i just look forward to going to work and sleep at home only. Friends?…… i don’t think i have anyone anymore …people move on and crop rotate their friends … maybe they have too much friends i think …. and i ?… i have none … but that doesnt bother me as i still have my other half …….. and she aint happy about my mood swings and tantrums ……… lol …… silly me .

It came to a point where i took her for granted and that she always reminded me about it …. Every night i long to hold her and sleep and cuddle with her … but somehow i refrained myself and pushed her away …. maybe i am just sick in the head …… maybe i am just jaded …… but i never did meant to do that …. just that i can’t help myself but to be mean to everyone ….. I apologize to everyone that i have hurt …. people that i am mean at and people that i just dont care anymore …… yes …..once it came to the point where i really do not care of whats happening as i felt that everyone hated me ….. and i had to hate back.

Things would never be the same again …i have changed to this bitter , mean old person  … but somehow … the love that i get from my sweetheart  never did changed …… and i could feel it …… the way she looked at me …the way she talked to me …. it was just as though it was 10 years ago  …….. am i dreaming … am i insane to not give her back what she wanted …which was me 10 years ago too …… all this while ..i was so driven to give and provide her with all things material …. and i just realize that all she wanted was me …. the old me …. the one that loved her and gave unconditional love …. the one that made her smile from the day she wakes till the slumbers of night. i want to be that person again ….  i want to fall in love again and again with her ….

I just remembered …..

i just remembered a song by one of my favorite band.Smashing Pumpkins – Beautiful

Title: Smashing Pumpkins – Beautiful

Artist: Smashing Pumpkins Lyrics

Beautiful, you’re beautiful, as beautiful as the sun
Wonderful, you’re wonderful, as wonderful as they come
And I can’t help but feel attached
To the feelings I can’t even match
With my face pressed up to the glass, wanting you
Beautiful, you’re beautiful, as beautiful as the sky
Wonderful, it’s wonderful, to know that you’re just like i
And I’m sure you know me well, as I’m sure you don’t
But you just can’t tell
Who’ll you love and who you won’t
And I love you, as you love me
So let the clouds roll by your face
We’ll let the world spin on to another place
We’ll climb the tallest tree above it all
To look down on you and me and them
And I’m sure you know me well, as I’m sure you don’t
But you just can’t tell, who you’ll love and who you won’t
Don’t let your life wrap up around you
Don’t forget to call, whenever
I’ll be here just waiting for you
I’ll be under your stars forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you
I’ll be under the stairs forever
Neither here nor there just right beside you

The beautiful you ……

Beauty – I think someone wrote something about Beauty .

Well here is my perspective on Beauty :

Lets just say , let the picture do the talking ………

Many times i yearn for love and i have received it fully with open arms. All this time, showered and drowning in love. My thoughts are nothings in sweet whispers as it is……

I’m Back …… LoL

I have been confronted to the fact that i have to be apart from my love one this year for 2 months. It is not a comfortable feeling …. actually by now ….i should have been cranky and in a very bad mood …maybe that is my defense against being lonely and miserable for 2 months ….. by now i would throw tantrums and push everything that i love away … at least i won’t shed tears when we are apart…… But No…. i cannot afford to lose her and make her feel guilty and miserable as i am ….. maybe now, i have matured into becoming something better …maybe something that she wants me to be ….. maybe it is just the fact that i have my time preoccupied with work ….. and chores.

Things change, people change …but not me ….i am still the person that is madly in love, puppy loved and wishing for the best …… i still love her the same way and i still need her the same way if not more ……looking back …it has been almost 10 years that i am with her …yet …nothing changed …. my heart still sought  her tender touch …her soft skin and her heart ……

I miss her , and i miss her more ….. but now i cannot afford to make the same mistake again and just let everything in my life to be put on hold and wait ….sordidly for her to come back and blow life into me ….Understand this sayang ….. i love you more and not a drop less…..

This year would be an interesting one,  as previous blog states …….Nadia … yes …for all my life i have known her …. a lovely girl …..a beautiful girl …… I love her …. words cannot express how i feel about her ….

ops, i gotta get back to work now … too many tickets left for me in the graveyard shift ….. must be some P1 in the evening …. love you my Princess , with all my heart … till then …….

Well …well well …if it isn’t 2008

It’s been a long time since i visited my blog …..kinda miss it ….but i just love the way it looks ….. didnt want to change it until i’m filled with passion and overwhelming emotions and i’ve got something good to write about ……

As for 2007 …ahhhh well ….shit happens …….. and it comes by the truck loads ….as for 2008 …a promising start ….a new breath of fresh air …a CHANGE ?! …….You could say that …. or you could say that god is fair …..i do not know whats he got instore for me … but i guess i had a revelation ….. i could see what i want …and this time …. it wasn’t a dream …. los of planning this year …lot of oppertunity for me to prove to myself …and to the ones i love that ….. from now on …things will get serious ……I know what i want …. it might be a ring for my love …or the bike that i wanted …call it far fetched …but i know it will all be up to me to decide ….go back to the slum i was or start moving on with this new me ……… i’m not talking about change of personality …… but more to what i was all the time …this time ….. i’m head strong .

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that for once ….i could see myself where i would be in the next 3 years …….i know its such a short sight ….. but hell yeah ….i know! ……… i have been sharpening my self for that one moment in life when it just struck me of what i have ….. i have all that i wanted ….i think….but i never give a thought about what other people want for me because i know i would fail them …. i know i would let people around me down …. people who i know would give in ….. i hope they aren’t disappointed …what more given up on me ………. when all hope fails ….. before all hope are lost …. i will bring it back ….find it.

i guess i’m full of myself ……. sometimes i think i talk alot too ….. but don’t get me wrong …… i just love to share …… i love when people exchange ideas …..conversations and laughs ….arguments and reconcile ……… this year …its all that …. listening to people more …… listening to their tone and never get defensive ….. yeah i can say that because i work where people speak out their frustrations and expecting me o solve it for them miles and miles away …emphaty?…i have a lot .

Yeah , not much to say yet in two thousand eight ….just that i’m taking one step at a time for the long run.

a poem for you my love

I miss you in the morning,
When all the world is new,
I know the day can bring no joy,
Because it brings not you.

I miss the well-loved voice of you,
Your tender smile for me,
The charm of you,
The joy of your unfailing sympathy,
Because the world is full of folks; it’s true,
But there was only one of you.

I miss you in the noontide,
The crowded city street,
Seems like a desert now,
I walk in solitude complete.

I miss your hands beside my own,
The light touch of your hand,
The quick gleam in the eye of you,
So sure to understand.

I miss you in the evening,
When daylight fades away,
I miss the sheltering arms of you,
To rest me for the day,
I try to think I see you yet,
There in the firelight gleams,
Weary at last; I sleep,
And I still miss you in my dreams.

-rafiqseth-

It hurts sometime…..

How would you feel if you miss someone to the brink of sanity ……How would you falter, in the glooms of sorrow and pain ….usually pain ….whenever you think about it? …. would you be stronger …or would it break you …. into millions of shards that puncture you fully …and breaks again to stab you more each time ?

The agony of missing someone is one thing …. but the real pain is when you have lost something that has your heart embedded in theirs , the sadness first , the lost will to live , then the determination and strength to find it back and in the end ….. the lost of hope ……… ..

I have lost my precious dog …… the one i have seen from a puppy to a full grown woman ….a graceful and gentle creature …

I treat her like my own kind …my children …my child ….. and together …we have endured alot of obstacle together ……..

there was this one time when my dad got a stroke …….. i didn’t have anyone to talk to …to cry with ….. or even to share my feelings with …as i lay there …… with sadness in my eyes ……she saw me …and sat next to me …. consoling me ….. even though she has no words …but her presence kept me company and she put her paw on my lap …. and looked straight into my eyes ……. for once …. i knew that she knew …. how i felt …and how i really appreciate her …….. i know she loves me … and i love her too …so very much ……. but now she is far away from me ….and i dont have a clue of what and where to find her ……… in my dreams …always i dream of her … calling me …barking …trying to call me …..”where are you ? ” ….and i just couldnt get to her …………. i am falling apart little by little every single day …every single second … my heart aches whenever i hear someones dogs barking …….. with a skip of a beat ….i hope …i just hope to god its her ….running back to me …… running back to where her love is …….. it is here …in my heart ….. in this so called home of hers……… i want her back …… i just want her to be with me …to console me again like she did before ….. no human can ever ever take her place ……. especially in my heart …in my soul ………

i know it may sound crazy …and crazy i am … wouldnt you?..if your child was taken away from you forcefully ? i try my best to get her …… i tried everything thats possible and within my resources and yet ….it has been amonth that i have heard any news about them …

Please …if you are reading this ….i beg you ..with all my heart …. help me find her ….. distribute flyer in your home town of neighborhood …….. i am in the brink of insanity ………. i cannot live anymore ……… and Stella?, if you are reading this …… please hold on ……. i’ll be coming to get you soon ……. i promise you …i will ……. i will …

Got me Certs today!!!

MCSE cert

hi sayang ,

Wanted to tell you sooner …that i have been studying for my MCSE cert ….. and after taking the test last 2 weeks … i finally got it …….. and what a relive that i passed and didn’t have to redo the test ………

Oh well ….. i already scanned it at the office …and here it is …….. hope you are proud of me …..:) … at least now …with the dissapearence of my other certs…i begin to wonder if this would help ………..

I took the Online test ..just to see what i have got ….then my sister ask me to take the exams at iverson …but i decide to go to APIIT near my work place …. hihihi ….. love you ……………and thank you ….without you …i wouldnt have done this ….. you know that already !

MISSING YOU

Wishing you were here,
Trying not to shed a tear,
Wanting to hold you near,
I lie awake at night,
Wondering what you’re dreaming?

Being so far away,
On this drab and boring day,
My thoughts turn to you,
Trying to get through,
Without being blue.

Are you thinking of me?
Are our minds on the same thing?
These feelings inside,
So new, yet so tender.
Looking at your picture,
At least I can remember.

Time has no mercy!
Or it would bring you to me.
It would make the days fly,
The nights disappear,
And I wouldn’t be sitting here
Missing you, dear.

Oh to hold you in my arms once more!
That is all I’m asking for.
To feel your sweet lips on mine,
To snuggle into your embrace,
To see your wondrous eyes,
To touch your beautiful face…….

But that’s not possible you see
With you so far away from me.
I will lie awake at night,
Till dawn’s morning light,
Until Time becomes my friend,
And we are together again.

So near …yet so Far …..

Today i heard the news that my girl isn’t going to Pakistan , well maybe it’s a good thing with all the happenings there….. bad boo boo …….ahhhhh ….but then , she would be missing her chance of a lifetime to go there …especially going through the mountains and back down to the south of Pakistan ……………….Oh well, maybe you can go there next time eh ?

The thought really is glad ….. why? …

1. she will be back soon …i hope

2.safety of my love , as i am not there to protect you …..

anyway, i can’t even afford the ticket there …….hehehehehe ……

thought of writing you a poem …but i guess you are bored of it …… i don’t know about you … but i still have them in me ……. i have songs for you …poems …… but i just can’t really express it to you like i did before …maybe the “woo” factor has gone …especially in your eyes ….it seems like a lost cause sometimes …….. but i guess i haven’t been a perfect partner for you …..and even songs or poem couldn’t fix it ….. sometimes i wish you would give me a chance to show you how i feel ….. through poems …and songs ……. through touch …….

it’s 2 am …i need to go to sleep now ..although i could go on and on about all this …. but lets give it a rest for today ……… remember that i love you …and that i will always think of you

love and hugs …………..